Sunday, 15 May 2016

Don't Change Yourself


  1. Hi SMOL,

    I think most people don't change themselves, they just pretend to be someone else but you can almost always catch their real selves sooner or later becaue nobody can be someone else every single moment of their lives.

    1. Joyce,

      I agree with you woman!

      Girls are more intuitive on such things.

      People don't change. Human nature has not changed much for the past 5,000 years either.

      We just "Hollywood" until we can't stand our reflection in the mirror anymore...

  2. Hi SMOL,

    It's ok to change for the better if that is what u want, and u put it to actions wholeheartedly.

    The problem is not change but what Joyce point out, pretence.

    4 elements are needed for change. Mind provide the will, the actions provide the practice, the heart provide the conviction and peace and time for everything to fall in place

    Change for the better, don't change to suit the likes of others. Change for yourself for the better of others

    1. Sillyinvestor,

      The "change" we learned is merely an adaptation to our surroundings.

      What is "right" in one culture may be "wrong" in another social environment.

      Study hard, work hard, and team work (euphemism for do what you are told) are "better" qualities if I want to breed an obedient and disciplined workforce.

      But if I want to encourage more shepherds to take up entrepreneurship, "better" may mean encouraging individualism, independent thinking, and creativity (euphemism for play).

      A "better" parent who puts family first may not deemed as a reliable team player through corporate eyes. Tsk, tsk. Lacking ambition...

      Change for the "better"?

      Before we change, we better know for certain who we are doing it for ;)

    2. Can u really put the 4 elements nI it if u are only changing for your family or your work?

      Of your work and your family not part of you? In the Context of society, is it really u and them?

      I said change for the better, u thinking along the changing for myself or changing for others.

      I think change for better, for myself or others. If u can do it with conviction, do it with real actions and believe in it, soldem or never will u regret it

      U won't regret it because u won't calculate if u are doing it for yourself or others, because it is worth it, regardless

    3. SMOL,

      Since I know u, think I can speak my mind without thinking of whether "it sound right"

      Of course the message behind being truthful to myself is correct, and we need not confine to social norms.

      But I cannot agree your definition of "change is a adaptation of surroundings". Buddhism also adapt to the surroundings, why do you think that are 10 "sects" or "branches" to it?

      But is it a matter of me and others' eyes? After u have seen yourself clearly, think it's time to move on. It does not mean u no longer can be at peace.

      Is mother Theresa living for herself or others, or does it matter? Nearer, if Minister Heng did get a stroke due to work, is it silly of him?

      I am not sure what his family think, but I seriously think if he make a full recovery; he will get back to work (time will tell)

    4. Pretty sure anyone near "Up Lorry" will slow down and will not be as before as we finally understand what is YOLO.

      Once see coffin, tears will roll.

    5. Sillyinvestor,

      You have your 4 elements. You keep it.

      As shepherd, all I need is a carrot and a stick and I can make the flock do what I want.

      Of course they will be recalcitrants. They will be sent to the abattoir. Case close.

      I'm not Mother Theresa nor Minister Heng. I've no clue what they think.

      I can only speak for myself ;)

      In your previous school, you are golden. Hence your promotion.

      Now in your current school... You yourself would know WHY you are making the changes.

      For WHOM?

      And what's the catalyst? Is it the stick , carrot, or abattoir?

    6. Sillyinvestor,

      Finally got some mild Zen combat! I like!

      I believe you have read the parable about the burning house with children inside and how Buddha enticed them out to safety one by one?

      Buddhism has to make changes to adapt to its surroundings.

      In the Northern transmission path, when It encountered societies with Confucius influence, Buddhism has to stop the practice of asking for alms from patrons.

      Asking for alms is frown upon in Confucius societies as that's akin to "begging" - really "no face".

      Similarly, there were many Buddhist sects in China during its heyday. Zen and Pure Land have survived to today...

      Can we say Zen and Pure Land are "better" than those sects that have disappeared?

      Can we say Northern transmitted Buddhism is "better" than Southern transmitted Buddhism?

      All Buddhism schools have the same 4 Noble Truths and 8 Fold Paths (if not, its not Buddhism).

      Nothing has changed.

      As with all things, teachers don't see any differences; students argue day and night which is "superior".


    7. CW,

      You posted a very good post on the top 5 Regrets of the Dying.

      But when the pin pricks our OWN skin, the level of understanding is on a whole next level!!!

  3. Hard to change. After a while stop trying

    1. CW,

      The young ones will take sometime to figure this out for themselves:

      If I accept and love who I am, why change?

      Money is just an enabling tool.

      It's not the answer to spiritual questions ;)

    2. It is funny that u said money is not the answer for spiritual tools but u are so affix at the ME.

      Who really is I should be the spiritual qn that need to be answer, if there is no pursuit of change, we spiritual plane are we talking about ?

    3. Why would one not accept and love oneself? I love myself, I need not change for others.
      I love myself so I change.

      Where is the conflict?

    4. Sillyinvestor,

      Who said anything about conflict?

      I merely expressed an opinion. MY opinion. The question is why you are so worked up over what I've said ;)

      I am now focusing on the ME part as I've been using OTHERS as my frame for reference for the past 40 odd years...

      I've returned home :)

      My cultivation has not yet reached the level where I can let go of my ego completely. Work in progress.

      Thanks for the heads-up!

  4. SMoL,

    Not work up la, doing what u doing, putting my head up to get hammered so that it become sharper. If I cannot stand my ground, means something is unsound. Not pushing anything on anyone.

    1. Sillyinvestor,

      Fantastic :)

      I face haven't wash, teeth never brush straight away reply you when I woke up to find you have shotgun me with 4 comments.

      How's that for the amount of "face" I accord you?

      Sorry hor! I don't stick up my head to get hammered by others!?

      I only stick out my finger and poke others. Its not even same same. LOL!

      You are most welcomed to come poke me anytime. But no tickling!

      Ahem. You man, I man. Awkward.

  5. These "motivational posters" good-to-see only. Got imapct? Share! Change also depends on when/what/why/whom mah.

    Say, if a person is self-aware of his/her undesirable traits or characteristics, why not change for the better so that people who already love them for what they are, would love them even more?!

    1. Kevin,

      I'm saying we don't change fundamentally speaking. All we do is learn (through consequences and rewards) to adapt and modify our behaviours ;)

      I'll give you 3 examples.

      1) Singaporeans have learnt through "conditioning" not to throw rubbish and obey traffic rules (be a good citizen).

      But what happens when we travel overseas? Our true nature comes out...

      2) During my corporate career days, when my boss says, "Jump!" What do my low EQ colleagues do?

      Boss, why me?

      Can you ask John to jump instead?

      Why must we jump?

      Me? I ask the Boss, "How high?"

      Score points like nobody business. Ah! Missed my whoring days...

      I've simply "learnt" to be a better employee. How to change my behaviour and speech to make myself stand out to be selected as a shepherd.

      Look at me now that I've removed my mask and armour. Did I "change" to be a Man of Leisure, or was it my true nature all along? Or am I faking it now and the corporate me is the true me? LOL!

      3) There are 2 bloggers in our community that are true to themselves - one writes posts that I feel like throwing shoes at him; the other I sometimes go not another "wah kali kong" powerpoint! Arghh!!!

      But that's precisely what endears them to me - even though we don't see eye to eye at times.

      Contrast that with "commercial" bloggers with an agenda - all smiles, all welcoming like Miss Universe. And yes, they are in it for World Peace.

      Behaviours can be observed. Deep inside our thoughts, who knows?

      If I step on your feet, outwardly you may be all smile and forgiving (natural or learnt I don't know); but what you are thinking inside will be the true you ;)

      Thought sins are the most frightening!!!

    2. Wa SMOL!

      Example 2 is certainly a revelation. I've not have serious thoughts on how to react when boss throws sai kang to me until this example:0

    3. PassivePeon,

      You just started your career. Have fun!

      And if you don't, well, you can see your senior bloggers here - late 20s or early 30s already planning for financial freedom!?

      I don't know whether that's sad or happy for them...

      Not only from boss, your girlfriend may also ask weird questions like if mom and wife both fell into the river, who would you save?


    4. Hi SMOL,

      I better prepare the ans for the drowning question soon. Any clue? Hahah, I have been real lucky that I've not been asked that question for the past 10 years... YET.

      Anyway, I started my career for the past 5 years in various sectors already, with nothing much to show for.

      Hope my career growth will be much more defined for the next couple of years. Does not feel good to be a lost sheep when I'm 28yrs old already :/

    5. PassivePeon,

      Don't look at me. I only found my "best fit" when I stumbled into previous company at age 30 ;)

      10 years?

      Don't drag too long if she's the one. Wait become like "brother and sister" and that usually don't end well.

  6. temperament,

    Wise in words as always :)

    Youths start out looking for role-models to emulate.

    Some even change their physical looks to be more like their idols.

    In investing and trading, many try to be someone they are not... Invest like Warren Buffett or Peter Lynch? Trade like George Soros or Paul Tudor Jones?

    If only it were so simple... No one stops to think for a moment - if everyone has the same positions, how to secure alpha performance?

    How can anyone be genuinely happy when all we want is to be more like someone else???

  7. when we are less exposed, there r so many things we do not know. Via failures experiences trial and errors, we evolve (haha I nver use word change!)

    That is when we realise one day the importance of core values deep down. The true "YOU".

    Core values always there outside the matrix... but when we inside the matrix, we need to adapt and play by the games without changing our core values though!

  8. play by the rules of games I mean

    1. Rolf,

      Interesting analogy ;)


      I like you choice of "evolve".

      Humans have evolved, yet some cannot accept we came from stardusts...


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