Tuesday 19 July 2011

Help me understand why this story bombed....

It puzzles me why certain stories struck a chord with readers, while others bombed big time!

Last week's story on this popular Father-son-mule story is a very good example where it bombed...

I have added my intentions for the story at the comments section.

For those that don't mind helping me out, can you re-read the story and my comment? Can you share your feedback on how I can improve the next time?

1) Was the story too long? (I normally kept my stories to max 2 x A4 paper in MS word)

2) Or having a twist to a popular story does not work for you? You saw the title and stopped reading?

3) Was it too simple or cryptic?

4) Any other feedback you would like to share.

You can be brutally frank. Don't worrry. I am an optimist as my cup is always half-full.

I see this as something positive. That means the low hanging fruits have been plucked, and I can't coast along anymore.

Hence I am asking for support to help sharpen my saw (or pencil).



  1. Hi SMOL,

    1. No, I think the length is okay. The impt thing is that there is a meaning behind that length.

    2. I enjoyed the story, but I do not know what's your intention.

    3. I find the story easy to understand but perhaps I do not understand how it is relevant to the meaning you're inferring to. You're getting more cryptic! haha!

    4. Perhaps you can add your own comment after the post, in order to help pple understand your original intention. Don't write it within the post, so that pple can interpret it themselves and you'll get varying (often surprisingly) references to your intended or unintended meaning.

    Good luck!

  2. you ask for it!

    1, subject matter, i love war movie but not love story.

    2, don't assume everyone is smart, i'll keep quiet when i'm stupid.

    3, must you every time come up with master piece? even the beatles wrote a lot of "junk".

    keep up your good work.

  3. oh and last one, don't use part 2 or part 3 of an original story. (like friday the thirteen 10 or something i don't know)

  4. 1) The story is too gay for me. Testosterone flowing in me.. I would prefer TVB drama with a lead actress. The Father-The Sexy Daughter-The Mule. :)

    2)You got it right in your comment in the story. I also hear the crickets... you hear what they are saying?..."Cryp-tic..Cryp-tic..Cryp-tic.."

    3) TVB Drama storyline more exciting.. it got jokes, got tears, got action(kissing..). Yours is too dry.... I actually had to drown myself in a can of beer before I could finish the story.

    4) I always thought fable only got 1 main theme and end of it .. you know the morale of the story. Your river got too many streams but not enough water to carry it.

    Hope these are harsh enough for you..? :).. hehe..

  5. sometimes I dont understand the analogy. hehe

  6. You tell a joke and nobody laughs. Is that a lousy joke? Not really right.

  7. Hello guys,

    You all are fantastic! Thank you so much for taking the time to guide me!

    I am serious in pursuing this new found hobby of story writing. This would fill-up my leisure hours when I return back. Must keep my mind active so that I don't decay...

    1) LP, thanks for your nurturing and encouraging style of feedback. I get your point and I like your suggestion on adding my own comments part!

    2) Coconut, I am not after a "masterpiece" everytime, but if everyone too polite to tell me, I will keep on producing love stories that no one reads... LOL!

    True, I suspect as much on the Friday the 13 part 10 analogy. It's a bit lame of me.

    3) WJ, ooh baby. I like! After the masochistic lashings from you, I am more awake and aroused. Maybe it's your pic. Eh! You got ask her permission or not? Or is she your missus?

    Hmm, The Father-The Sexy Daughter-The Mule, I thought I've watched this porno somewhere? You huh!

    Got it! One story, one stream. Keep it simple, and jazz it up with jokes, tears, and action!

    4) Isaac, apologies. Wordsmith in training. Please bear with me. Die lah! I discover I very Singaporean. See doctor also ask for discount!?

    5) CW8888, you're too kind! I think you know I am also "stealing with pride" your stories for inspiration. I am amazed how you can do it with just a few lines! Now that's true kung fu!


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