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Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Trust but Verify - The 3 profiles of "Trust"

Trust but verify.

3 simple words.

But it speaks volumes on how we go about our adult lives.

I shall not talk about those who can't trust other people... That's too dark and morbid. Just imagine what's it like to go about your daily lives living like that...

1) Trust is enough

These people could be the "happiest and luckiest" provided they don't fxxx-up the end game by making a decision on their own.

It simply means, all through their lives, they have been cloistered by others - parents, marriage partners, big daddy, shepherds, etc.

Word association: Childlike, innocent, simple, cute.

2) Trust but clueless how to verify
At the very least, you know what you don't know!   

It's just that you are clueless on how to verify, where to start, what to do, etc.

Neither are you shy nor too proud to ask questions. The problem is that you sometimes ask the wrong persons or frame the wrong questions...

Word association: Vacillate, prevaricate, equivocate, cavil.

3) Trust but verify

We keep an open mind, listen to alternative voices.

And we know who and where to seek verification, when needed.

We don't go to a shield maker and consult him about the strength of spears. We do that to find out the shortcoming of spears. Wink.

And that's through framing the right questions in the first place!

Word association: Worldly, street-smart, mature, experienced.


  1. Some people think they are 3 but actually they are 1 or 2. They went to not 1 shield maker but 10, then they select the cheapest!
    Oops...I still need to verify the meaning of Vacillate, prevaricate, equivocate, cavil!

    1. Welcome back WolfT!

      Nice poke!

      I used common words for types 1 and 3, but deliberately used big words for type 2 ;)

      P.S. When pros like you and coconut disappear on me, I'll take you guys are having lots of fun with the volatility!

  2. 1) Trust is enough - kids

    2) Trust but clueless how to verify - teenagers

    3) Trust but verify - adults

    1. Jimmy,

      That's a way better metaphor than mine!

      To some married women, their husbands are still "kids"; just very big kids that's all!

  3. Actually I don't trust but verify but more like verify whether I should trust or how much I should trust...plus it's an ongoing process since people don't always behave in the same way all the time

    1. I guess some people think I'm like that ex colleague of yours...but two of my ex colleagues from different companies also told me... That it is also a blessing to be doted on by your loved ones and not every woman gets to enjoy that ;)

    2. Joyce,

      That's why I am impressed with what you do - stand by his side ;)

      Imagine if you had remained in corporate... and gotten a promotion?

      What does a woman really want?

      All those FIRE goals by men are just a smoke screen - what we really want are women ;)


  4. SMOL,

    When your girlfriend wants and is still keeping in touch with her say, three ex-boyfriends then you will let her do so; because you trusted her.

    Your girlfriend whilst trusted you, will still wants to verify from time to time that your platonic girlfriend is not getting too closely and cozy with you.

    Rejoice the lightness of being or Unbearable lightness of being; you decide.


    1. Money Honey,

      I wonder whether the reason is women understand other women better?

      Or maybe we men are too confident of ourselves?


    2. To rejoice the lightness of being then Trust is enough.

      In unbearable lightness of being then you are in a situation of Trust but clueless how to verify.

      Trust what l am saying here? Please verify hor.

    3. Money Honey,

      When it comes to relationships, its best to keep one eye opened (to verify), and to keep the other eye closed (to trust) ;)

      Middle path.

  5. Hi SMOL,

    I think it's important to verify what's important and significant to us. For the things that are not significant, we can trust because the cost of trusting is bearable for us. For the important things, we have to verify, even if that person is your spouse or parents. Because we all make mistakes, and if it's more costly to you, you better have the initiative to pre empt that mistake from even happening in the first place, than to cry foul and regret.

    1. LP,

      What you say makes a lot of sense.

      Its important to tell the important from the frivolous ;)

  6. HmmSMOL,

    When u verify, do u really trust?

    In actual facts, it is just being open minded but trust no one.

    Who can we trust these days?

    Trust need not verification until
    Broken. It is broken so many times that we don't trust people anymore. If u need verification, you dun trust him/ her at the first place.

    I know someone is lucky/ very "Zai" at picking stocks, so I know what he buys, he entry price and read up on my own. I respect his capabilities but not trust. Trust need not verification.

    My wife trust my judements and buy and sell stocks at my call. She dun go around asking colleagues, mum or broker. But that doesn't mean she can't ask questions.

    When my siblings come up with a schedule to rotate among ourselves to take care of mum, we dun verify each other schedule until someone broke our trust.

    We now ask, are u sure? We now find up a bit more about his schedule.

    As for those shows trust still intact, there is no need to ask questions.

  7. It is also easier to trust a person capabilities than a person character.

    For example, I can usually trusted someone to get things done without checking on him/ her.

    But it is tougher to trust someone to never betray one's love.

  8. Sorry for my Spamming. LOL SMOL,

    Because "verify" is really too strong a word to goes with "trust"

    Just like a wife tells her friends: I trust my husband, although he needs to 应酬(entertain), he doesn't go overboard, because I got a private detective following his moves LOL.

    1. Sillyinvestor,

      No, you're not spamming.

      You know what?



    2. Lol SMOL

      I need to google Cavil to know what it means.

      Cavil and cheers. 3 more days before I plunge back to working like a dog.

      Need a drink!! Give me a milk tea!

    3. Sillyinvestor,

      Speaking of milk tea, I only buy when there's a young 美眉 to say to me in the sweetest of voice: 先生, 要不要珍珠?

      Ah... Melt liao...

    4. The pretty girl will not even ask you about the pearl if you didn't attempt to stand closer and try to order milk tea. In short, you already ordered whenever there is a pretty girl. *secret

  9. SMOL,

    Another key principal in life I always strife to be #3 but end up #1 or #2 unknowingly.
    Anyhow, my experience with others is most don't like it when you "verify". They either think you are kaypoh or don't trust them. Somehow, trust = respect + love (how it became this equation?!!?)

    1. ckw-I99,

      That's the cycle of learning and improving - a bit like Zen. The more I understand, the more I know I don't understand!? LOL!

      Agree verification can be uncomfortable.

      I rather have no regrets than to regret not verifying enough...

      My poking have helped me identify who matters and who I don't have to spend too much time on in blogosphere.

      Just the other day, I was curious on one blogger who uses "vision" instead of the usual goals or milestones. After just one poke, it's "superficial".


  10. Hi SMOL,

    Can I re-phrase the 3 simple words to Judge, Verify, Trust!

    1) Judge: Usage of wisdom, life experiences, gut feel, inner voice, EQ etc.

    2) Verify: research, background check related to historical facts, track records, words of mouth assessment, etc.

    3) Trust: Once you completed steps 1 & 2, then trust! If still "kena" proven wrong, then learn from it. 用人不疑, 疑人不用!

    Now you have more wisdom and then repeat whole process and goes back to step 1.

    1. Rolf,

      Most welcomed to have your own interpretations!

      用人不疑, 疑人不用 is best used after we have "trust and verified" ;)

      Look, if the Carpenter of Nazareth can be betrayed and abandoned by 2 of his 12 disciples, I don't think anyone of us dare to claim a better odds than 1 out of 6 when it comes to judging people...


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