Horizontal links

Thursday, 31 January 2013

The World Economy explained by 2 cows...

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM You have 2 cows
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died.

A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows.
You worship them.


A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A GREEK CORPORATION You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut.







18 comments:

  1. My ex-Swedish colleague forwarded this to me.

    It's quite funny and true in some ways. LOL!


    I recognise myself amongst the write-ups on various corporations.

    If you turn them instead to lifestyles or attitude of fellow Singaporeans we know ;)

    I am a bit like the Australian corporation now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. a singapore corporation

    the govt say its not enough just having 2 cows, so they import many animals from all over the place, especially china pandas.

    now it looks more like a zoo.

    ReplyDelete
  3. OK! Let's have some fun! Below is my own take of Singapore corporation:


    Singaporean Corporation: You have 2 cows

    Cow pei cow bu (complain) can't find local Singaporeans to milk them.

    Hire foreign workers to milk the 2 cows.

    Act surprise we have over hired? (Doing an Italian job on us? Huh? You thought there will be more cows to milk? Last time I studied biology, 2 cows difficult to produce extra cows...)

    Now aspire to be more like an American corporation:

    1) Sell one cow (relocate your operations lor!)

    2) Make the workers produce the milk of 4 cows with one cow. (Act surprise again if there's a strike or protest by the stressed out workers.)


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. no mood to have fun right now!

      just came back from the dentist room, my hands (and feet) are still shacking...

      Delete
    2. she had drawn my execution date haha.....

      Delete
    3. Eh? What coincidence!!!

      I also went to the dentist today - lucky not me.

      Brought mom to the polyclinic and she only paid $6.40 for the check-up and cleaning!!!??? Our taxi rides cost more than that!

      I guess if we above 65 and OK with polyclinics and govt hospitals, the medical bills are heavily subsidised.

      I am quite reassured about the BASIC medical costs in Singapore.

      What a pleasant first hand experience!

      Delete
    4. hey, i wonder if your other simblings taking turns to take care of your mom, why every time its you?

      we usually work in pairs, one driver and one er, just by the side doing the admin. usually i'm the driver. ofcos, those have to work can excuse.

      unfortunately, mine trading they don't consider work! no excuse.

      Delete
    5. hahaha, actually this morning i was trying to bribe my dentist.

      i bring a hamper and a packet of "ba qua" with me, she is my family dentist and maybe i'm too afraid of her or i'm trying to please her i don't know.

      but today i'm all alone so i thought to be on the safe side, i brought those things along.

      but i still get my "death" sentence!

      Delete
    6. Why so scary of dentist?

      I visit them every 6 months. hee hee

      Delete
    7. CW,

      Your dentist must be "zhar bor" ;)

      LOL!


      Delete
    8. actually my dentist, a female, is very nice and gentle but still...

      ofcos the problem is within me, like a cat afraid of water or cutting the claws, no matter how many times they went through, they are still afraid.

      who the hell like dentist? but we do it becos of knowing the consequences of not going. but for me, my animal instinct just take over when ever i think of dentist haha.

      what causes me to be like that? that has to do with me having autism. don't you guys notice i have speaking (communication) problem? i suspect mine is towards asperger syndrome, the same as the Adam Peter Lanza who involve in the recent sandy hook elementary school shooting.

      Delete
    9. coconut,

      I am happy for you in that you have discovered trading as an outlet. You express yourself just fine with trading profits ;)

      Traders who trade from home are likely corporate misfits or loners.

      Those who need human interactions would join a prop firm or a trading arcade.

      Being in a corporation is definitely not you!

      Delete
    10. ok trading results

      january, another month of fighting the market, its tough.

      but i still managed to come ahead with some profit but not that great. better than december definately.

      yes, having autism definately helps in trading for i can see the details of all price movement relatively where most people can't. its a easy picking for me but a lot of works.

      Delete
  4. coconut,

    8 years ago, me and my elder sibling went to work overseas.

    Mom was left with our youngest sibling.

    Long story short. I realised I have not been fair to our youngest sibling (and mom).

    Currently, I am the self-appointed full-time care-giver to mom.

    Youngest sibling moved out to a well-deserved personal space. Can you imagine taking care of mom's hospital visits while holding a full-time job all these years ALONE? My youngest sibling is the one that made the sacrifices.

    I had my fun; "lived in sin"; done things I would not do in Singapore... I am the indulgent and selfish prodigal son. Don't be fooled into thinking I am filial through my actions now.

    Context is important.

    Glad I've made my first pot of silver during my 7 years away. It has given me the "freedom" to be on sabbatical from work.

    Even more glad that I did not wait till I've made my first pot of gold to come back.

    I guess mom would be happier that we are making do with silver. Gold would have been better; but what if tomorrow never comes or mom can't wait?

    Planning for the future is good. Provided we don't forget about living in the present.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i'm more, or very much more of a present guy, don't really want to think of the future, hence not much planning.

      Delete
    2. just found out this song first sang by a japanese singer before other chinese singer copy, wow, this is really different from what i heard all those years,

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pR6E-pZAcs

      Delete
  5. Austrlian corp sound good to work in :p good for the cows too. :p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey! A fellow SEAH!

      Yup! I do like the laid-back work/life balance in Australia.

      I remember flying the dreaded red-eye flight from Singapore to Sydney. Reach hotel at 5 am. Took a brief shower and breakfast and rush to my first meeting at 8:00 am.

      At 3 pm, my Australian colleagues told me they have to end the meeting as they "hear the beaches calling them".

      True story!

      I was so angry at first (culture shock)... But then I realise that means I can also roam around Sydney (for free on ah kong's time) too ;)

      I had a paradigm shift. I still worked hard. Make/save money for company. But I take care of myself too :)

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...