I found this simple poster which I like a lot. I can see myself in both sides. Through cheerleading myself over the years, I guess I've developed and trained myself to practice the thoughts and habits on one side more than the other. Don't get me wrong. It's not about "winning" or "beating" the other person. Everyone should have their own definition of "success". For me, I do find certain thought processes and habits do make me happier. Hence the motivation to continue! But one funny thing though. I've moved from never setting goals, to setting goals and life plans, and now I am back full circle to not setting goals. Goal settings and KPIs worked great when I was a shepherd - how else to please my landowner and keep my sheep in line? Now that I am a Ronin (masterless samurai), I've no desire to subjugate myself to the same Jedi mind tricks I've used on others in the past. I've now switched to visualising techniques used by athletes. Instead of setting different separate goals on different aspect of my life - for eg, 5 years from now - I now visualise a holistic picture of: 1) How I want to look and feel. 2) The lifestyle I live. 3) The people and company I would like to keep. 4) My desired experiences. 5) And so on... This helps me to avoid the the skewed emphasis most people have when it comes to goal settings. Frequently, our goal settings fall mainly on work and finances. And maybe health if you had a recent scare. See What 5 balls? There's no balls; only you!
It was a painful transition in the first few months of the year since coming back. The days passed painfully slow...
Not that easy to adjust from a structured life to one where I can hungry eat; tired rest; sleepy nap. Come to think of it, I've been living a "structured" life ever since I started primary 1 in 1974! Play, study, work, NS, work. Man! 44 years flew by just like that!?
Year 2012 was me returning to what was life before starting school at 7 years young. Can you remember what was life then when you were 6?
I remember me tagging along with grandma during her morning walks around the neighbourhood.
And looking out the kitchen window longingly for my elder sibling to come back from school in the blue Volkswagen school van.
When bored, i will play (I think terrorise too) with my younger sibling who is still a toddler.
Yes, life was indeed fun then!
Hang on! Why I am sharing this? What has this got to do with my 2012 review?
Oh! I remember now. Back full circle to play. (I am wearing a big grin on my face)
Today, I accompanied my mom to NUH for her medical review. Everything is fine. Next appointment is in 3 months time. I am happy.
The long journey started in March this year. Multiple tests with 5 surgeries thrown in. From 2 medical follow-up appointments a week, to 1 appointment a week, to 1 appointment a month. And today it's a new milestone - 1 appointment every 3 months!
I am grateful.
What's my achievement in 2012? It's to be around.
3 years ago, I was in Athens, mom went for knee replacement for her right leg and she told my younger sibling - who is the only one in Singapore as both me and my elder sibling were working overseas then - not to let us know least we worry.
Imagine discovering this when I came back during my home leave. How destroyed I felt inside knowing mom was bed-ridden alone at home for 2 months when my younger sibling was working?
And I had the cheek to be angry with my younger sibling for not telling me! As if I can help being 9000 km away... I am so phoney....
But that's all behind now.
In 2012, I've earned the privilege to be around.
I say this with gratitude and humility.
With thanks in my heart, I shall gleefully look forward to 2013!
